I'm kinda tired to continue St Augustine Part 2 blog so I guess I'll just update the recent thoughts of mine...

Saturday seem to have marked the 4th official date we went out together but yet I wasn't ready to get into this seemingly great relationship. We've been chatting and keep in really close contact that I'm sure I haven't chat with my ex for this much in the whole entire dating period. I haven't really known the real reason for this slow progression or this unwanting-ness.

But well, he seem to have figured out that there's still trash left behind from the last relationship. Guess the park operators didn't do their job... He figured he'll have to do the job himself. Sounds like Denise. LOL! Also, there seem to have more hurdles along the way to allow me recover. Stuffs happened to me and around me seems to have make me lose confidence. Like what Sex and the City mentioned, women have became the target audience for "Hope". Have I became one of those ladies mentioned in the show? And soon before I knew it, I would be celebrating my 36th birthday hoping to be alone?

Things have been going so well yet I still resist the urge to abandon the single status. Why? Am I such a coward even after I've been to the US to learn to be more courageous? Or what happened in US made me even more timid? Or was it a leopard will never change it's spots? I guess a little dying of spots' colour could do a lot of help... He kept on mentioning that he believes he had leveled up but his profile doesn't show it. Is there technical mistakes or is it just that the moderator isn't budging? Seems more like the latter to me... This game doesn't seem to work the normal way. By killing more zombies or baddies doesn't seem to let you gain the experience and earn more points. Getting some rewards off the baddies only seem to let you enjoy that joy for a little moment only.

Probably, my mind isn't listening to the heart. Or maybe I knew very well that my heart is only a victim to the hormone changes and my mind isn't. So if you were to ask me if I have the answer to that very question, the answer would be "Yes I do have it and the answer would be a no." In which, I'm a selfish, cowardly woman and he knows it just too well. I still want my territory even though I wouldn't have the ability to stay in it.

Very soon, my birthday would be coming and so I have made up my mind to enjoy my birthday this year. But it seems like God forbid me to have too much fun this year. I knew my mistake and will learn my lesson. I'll be good this year so please let me have my birthday next year. K? Time to go to that detention room to "面壁思过"

I think that sentence is so true, Carrie Bradshaw mentioned that "relationship requires investment. We should all invest in this retirement plan." I always try my best to keep up with my investments. But what if, it doesn't turns out the way it should be. Should I just give it all up? But what if this investment isn't able to be refunded? Do I have to keep the paper and maintain the paper lost?