Sometimes something just make me wonder so much about the reality and relationship between friends, families etc.

It is actually difficult to understand those people whom we thought we know. Today is actually a weird day whereby there’s a lot of personal talk. Some girlfriends felt more close to their partners and some relationships just fell apart. Be it mutually or initiate, I think that relationships seems like very fragile and the amount of trust and faith should be rethink once and repeatedly. Life is really so surprising and unexpected that even the most impossible may even seem possible. Sometimes it’s like I think becoming a nun or being a single is like so much more carefree and trouble-free. Probably that kind of life seems more smooth and easier to predict. This topic has been a constant and regular conversation among the few of us but the singles seems to not have come to a definite answer to our current status as yet. Furthermore, the recent happenings here with the people around me are making me feeling very confused and frustrated regarding relationships (of all kinds). *Sighz* Should I learn how to accommodate these people or just abandon all thoughts to be just feeling comfortable on my own?

I got these questions quite frequently “So how many boyfriends have you got?” or “Are you having fun hanging around boys from USA?” I began wondering does “having fun” or “play” means that a boyfriend(s) is needed? Why can’t I be enjoying myself with just a couple of my friends? Need it be that I come to a foreign land I need to find someone to depend on and enjoy the “happiness” together?
It is quite weird thinking about such stuffs in a foreign land. It’s just that the distance and travelling really makes the mind wonder. Probably there are always both sides to the coin but the fact is that these stuffs are always not clear. I was just wondering that if I was just escaping from reality or facing the reality in a foreign land. In a foreign place, there are lesser things to do and more time to think. (Or maybe my depression is setting in soon) Life just seems like it’s more confusing as time pass by. I have no idea what my career would be, what my relationship chances would seem like or what leisure activities I would do after I return back to Singapore.

I now then realise that I was previously in a very naïve state of mind, whereby I thought everything would remain the same after I return. How could I be such simple-minded when I started going clubbing and playing wild games at parties here in USA which is so unlike me in Singapore. It’s not that I can say that I like or hate such experiences, but I think I’m trying to write my bibliography and life story in the most interesting way I think I can. Come to think of it, I already quite shocked that I went shopping and just hop on the bus without knowing how I to get to that place or how it should look like; be able to survive being picked up in the most scariest way expected; drove to Miami with a couple of new friends and still not able to come to senses that I’ve been there and back.