It's been quite sometime since I've blog.
I've been so busy and tired that I haven't had the time to think.
It's all about project, about The Cocoa Trees, about chocolates.
And housework. We've waited a month for the new maid.
I'm really tired. Mentally and physically.
Doing this project is really brain- straining.
Doing the housework is really muscle-aching.
I have to worry about if the project is on track.
Are we heading the right direction, are we right on schedule etc...
I have to worry about the weather.
Is it going to rain? Will my clothes be dry on time?
What's worse is my washing machine spoilt!
OMG!!! Help pls!! I'm in desperate times...

Yes, I'm tired.
This looks like the beginning of despression for me.
But this time it's different.
I used to look forward to Barça's match.
They used to add the excitement into my life.
Because my life is all about eat, drink, sleep, school and a little of my dad's business.
Soccer as I said is not about 23 men chasing after the ball on the field.
It brings suspension, mystery, thrill and to sum it up, excitement.

I used to wonder if there's no soccer, if no Barça what will become of me?
I've finally understand that it is a very uneccessary worry.
There will never be no soccer. There will never be no Barça.

I'm not despress because there is no excitement in my life.
But I couldn't understand what is my life about.
Is it about understanding myself, understanding others?
I'll never get to understand myself cos I'm just too complex.
I'll never get to understand others cos it's just too tiring.
People are ever- changing, they wouldn't stay the same.
So what is life really about?

Maybe it is life that is too complex that's why people are learning Buddhism.
So that they can forget about everything to learn everything.
Being a monk or a nun isn't about running away from reality.
It's about learning how to be at peace with the environment so that you can learn about the environment.

---

My phone's charm was lost today.
I thought it was meant to be.
Some things are fated.
I didn't feel sad or anything.
To me, it just meant that something has to end.
But I found it again when I reach home.
Why? Is fate going to tell me something?
Or am I just thinking too much?

-=-Reality seems to be unclear to me-=-